Here are some stupid signs I’ve seen recently….
The only thing more tiresome than po-faced rubbish modern art is those who whinge about it, so I’ll spare you my views on ‘Untitled’ but do feel the need to point out that the sign is really the star of the piece. I go backwards and forwards wondering if it might have been written with a wry smile and a twinkle in the eye. I suppose Art is supposed to make you think.
Now, that is a REALLY stupid sign. Did nobody in the entire marketing department stop and think ‘that’s a little badly worded’. I mean, it can’t have been intentional. Double entendre is one thing but advertising a breakfast for the price of a hand-job doesn’t quite carry the frisson of bawdy cheekiness. It says ‘yes, this is a hotel in Kings Cross but instead of having that eastern European sex slave wank you off, why not just have a big breakfast?’ I actually take more offence at the phrase ‘Never ending breakfast’. Is it a 24 hour breakfast service that will literally never stop? Could a homeless man feasibly pay his £8.50 and then live out the rest of his fetid days in the warmth eating a limitless supply of congealed beans, rubbery eggs and cheap white toast?
Again, really stupid for a couple of reasons. Firstly; who needs ice cream explaining to them? Do the Shell marketing department worry that, if they just had a sign that said ‘ice cream’, a significant part of their demographic would respond ‘Ice cream???? What’s that???’ and avoid the product out of fear? So, not only is it unwarranted, it is also nonsensical as I would argue that ice cream is NOT a refreshing treat (or, as they would say: A Refreshing Treat) It is heavy cream full of sugar. That doesn’t refresh you, it makes you feel sluggish. Citrus based products are refreshing, as is water. Sorbet might be validly proclaimed a refreshing treat and, with its exotic name might even need explaining to some customers. But there is no sorbet in a Shell garage.
This one just pisses me off. Firstly, it’s a non-sequitor. Although presumably intended to be a little affectionate nudge to it’s middle class customers to feel less guilty and treat themselves a little bit, it actually instead states a fundamental human truth. In me, it provokes the response ‘so why don’t you fucking give it to them? You have hundreds of enormous shops FULL of quality food which you’re flogging at huge mark-ups to posh people, why don’t you go out there and give it to the deserving?
So, anyway, those are the stupid signs I’ve seen recently. Someone should pay me millions of pounds to point this shit out professionally.